2018 Relaunch 7-years-after-this-post edit: At this juncture in my life (& I have no crystal ball to tell you about the future), I have no desire to be dating/in a relationship/with a life partner/married or have kids. For the first time (& after 20+ years of caring so much about this as the “end-all-be-all” life goal), I don’t care at all and am fully engaged in a relationship with myself. I love my own company, feel no lack, and – accordingly – feel complete and whole on my own; it is an absolutely revolutionary feeling and I wish I could have known it in my 20’s. More on that later…

While I was on my way to the gym on Monday morning, I was listening to the radio and heard a segment on Hot 99.5 that discussed the “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” article published in the Wall Street Journal & written by Kay S. Hymowitz who “argues that too many men in their 20’s are living in a new kind of extended adolescence.”  What was interesting about the I Want a Silver Fox Podcast was that one of the hosts (a 29 year old female) essentially wrote off all 20-something males as pretty much being incapable of being serious about dating and encouraged them to just sow their oats (even though I am born & raised here there are some expressions I will never understand) because that’s what they “should” be doing.  What was even more interesting was that at the end of the segment, a 22-year old male called in saying that he was ready to settle down (get married, have kids, etc.) and everyone made fun of and balked at him.

Pursuing is what I consider the whole process known as “the chase” and includes everything from approaching a person for the first time, to calling them, making plans in the initial stages, etc.  I am bringing this topic up again (& making it my first post since my relaunch), because for any relationship to develop, it first has to start and it’s usually the beginning – during the “pursuit” – when things get hairy for most people.

So, who should do the pursuing…? In my opinion, the guy should. Please note that is not intended to be a directive or to be taken as “if a guy doesn’t, then I am not interested.”  However, I personally believe that a guy should because in every really amazing relationship that I know and admire (from engaged couples to marrieds, & to those who have been together for 50+ years), the guy did the pursuing (which may have simply meant making slightly more effort up front which the girl then reciprocated), & whether it was majorly or minorly, he was/is seemingly more interested/hard-pressed than the girl.  This is not something that either individual in that relationship could or would attest to because as one married friend of mine, Bijal, describes it (sweetly under the wedding picture of her & her husband on Facebook), “The perfect marriage begins when each partner believes they got better than they deserve;” however, what I am describing is something that an onlooker would likely observe.