2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: I still hate “creepy guy stare” but me at (one day from turning) 39 looking back at my (just having turned) 30-year-old self, is all, “WHO DIS?” I, legit, do not relate to this person AT ALL. She makes me cringe, and I feel like she was some kind of alter ego, but I am grateful too for having evolved even though it took me living through some of my darkest times to do so. Note: Rather than deleting these posts in embarrassment, I have left them up as testimony to my own personal evolution.
I had addressed this in one of the posts that I deleted and I know that I will get some hateration my way, but I usually call this “Creepy Indian Guy Stare.” However, I know this is not a desi-specific thing… There’s my disclaimer and now I begin on “Creepy Staring…” 😀
So, what the bleep is up with Creepy-starers…?!?! I mean, reeeeally…. I cannot think of anything more repulsive than being stared at with big creepy “I want to you eat you for dinner” eyes on a blank expressionless face (well, there is being howled at from a car passing you by or having inappropriate things said to you as walk down the street, but today we’re just talking about the staring). Recently, I experienced this twice in one night & I wanted to… 1) Punch Creepy Starer in the face 2) Puke my brains out. The first time that night, I was out at Vertigo (a lounge in Chicago) with my bff, our common family friend couple & some of their friends. Well, this one gunda-ish looking guy kept awkwardly planting himself within 3 feet of us right near the small circle we were talking in & just stared in our direction. Then he started this annoying move where (although there was more than enough space to maneuver around us), he tried to get past us by randomly touching the small of our backs (voooomit) as he moved past us. He did this to both of us at least twice & finally my friend goes “why do you keep touching me?!” Love her.
Well, then the 2 of us went for a late nite bite at Bijon. I wish I could draw you a diagram of how we were sitting but basically my bff was looking in the direction of the main restaurant & I was sitting right next to her & across the way from me was a table with a few Indian guys. Every time I’d talk to my friend, I’d catch this majorly Creepy Indian Guy (CIG) staring at me & I am not talking about a glance & then a quick look away. I’d be talking to my friend & I’d see him in my peripheral vision JUST STARING for 30-40 seconds at a time. I finally complained to my bff and told her to look over just as he was mid-stare; she, being just the most does-not-tolerate-BS person ever, yelled “STOP STARING!” CIG then pointed to his ears with a questioning look on his face pretending not to be able to hear her (mind you, half the restaurant heard) and then the staring stopped.
First off, I am inspired by my friend to call people out on their absurd behavior; my natural tendency is to get annoyed by things but to ignore them, but maybe if we all actually started calling out bad behavior more often, it might actually stop or change (that comes to momentary bad behavior from strangers and the stuff that people unncessarily put up with in relationships). I will not try to figure out the why behind the awkward staring (possibly a repressed childhood, non-exposure to the opposite sex until a very late age, & a slew of other reasons), but guys, if you really want to get our attention (& not freak us out completely and force us to write blog postings called “Creepy Guy Stare”), I highly recommend Tara Banks’ technique of “smeye-zing” – smiling with your eyes. Definitely feel free to smile with your mouth too, but just look – better yet, BE – pleasant & friendly.
& here’s a warning to the next guy that creepily stares, says something offensive to me, or anything that I deem as non-gentleman-like behavior, brace yourself because SmileMoon is going to have a word or two to say you! Ok, maybe not, but I will sure try. 😛
Write soon,
ORIGINAL COMMENT THREAD
Rahul S – Sounds like you have two options…
1) Dress with less sex appeal
2) *Snap* the guy out of his stare with a line like, “Take a picture it’ll last longer!”
Me – Rahul, you’re back! Ok, so option #1 is a toughie b/c the awkward staring can happen irrespective of any kind of outfits. I mean who is to say who finds what appealing…? As for Option #2, I really want to become one of those people that can say the choice comeback/witty thing to “snap” someone out of something or even just be as straightforward as my girlfriend. When it comes to that kind of stuff, I am totally challenged, but I hope to practice & get better at it.
Me – p.s. – I do not want to come across as being naive as to outfits that are purposefully “sexy” (like sequins b-day dresses and cave girl halloween outfits! :-P), but I am not talking about special occasion staring; this is the every day, out & about, and without good reason kind… and even if there is a “reason” like a particular outfit, I do not think an outfit justifies creepy staring or any other kind of blech behavior.
Anonymous – Rahul – Girls get stared at it’s a fact of life. It’s not because of the way they dress, though sexual outfits, cleavage, obviously get more stares. Smilemoon – Only thing you can do is call it out or ignore it (take it as flattery). Really though, both of those are easier said than done. In which case, carry pepper spray ;-).
Guys get stared at too, it’s only creepy to me when it’s an unwavering gaze, in which case I will I have done is move out of the way.
Anonymous – Encourage the guy to come over and buy your group drinks. If he’s cool keep talking to him. If he sucks, leave him.
Me – lol, i love the comments about pepper spray & getting the guy to come over and buy drinks; i wish i could do something like that; the problem is that i’d have massive guilt over the whole thing & would then waste my time talking to creepy starer to make up for it! 😛 at the end of the day, guys are visual beings and that’s not lost on me or any girl out there – we get that, but the creepy staring or anything lewd, awkward or gross is just unnecessary. thanks fellas! 🙂
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