I’m sure I did not come up with the term “e-communicating,” but – in my mind – I would like to think that I did and if you have followed my blog, you know that when it comes to e-communicating (texting, e-mailing, chatting & FB) as it relates to dating, I am not a fan. My stance on the topic has always been that people are not necessarily their authentic selves via these forms of communication… This is not something they do knowingly, but – more often than not – they are way bolder (usually far more flirtatious & forward) than they would be on the phone or in-person… Most of us are much more comfortable when we are able to write our thoughts than we would be if we had to say them out loud.
If you have been reading my blog for some time now, you also know that I am not a fan of being asked out via text (that doesn’t mean I have never gone out on a date where I have been asked out via text) and that I don’t accept friend requests from guys I met out at a bar (you know, the ones who get your full name and phone #, but their next “move” is to become your FB friend…) The reason I don’t add guys that I’m interested in or who seem interested in me on Facebook is so that if we were to actually meet up in person, we’d actually have to ask each other questions and “date” like people did in the good ol’ days. You know… when they used to ask questions like “where’d you grow up?… do you have any siblings?… where’d you go to school?… where do you work?… have you traveled lately” versus conversations that proceed like this “I read on FB that… I saw on FB that…”
Also, I don’t mind getting a text or two (I don’t literally mean “only two”) from a guy, but I’m personally not a fan of getting into lengthy back and forth text conversations although I have certainly taken part in many of them (which makes me just as guilty since I never put an end to the texts by calling myself). & while we are on the topic, anyone who has done online dating is pretty much guaranteed to have had at least one experience where they e-communicate at length with someone and feel like they have a great connection with that person only to meet them sometime in the future and feel zero connection whatsoever.
Since I have posted on this topic before I know that many of you are going to tell me to “get with the times,” that I’m “too demanding” or something to that effect, & I am okay with that. If a person who is seriously looking and supposedly seriously interested in me, can’t muster up the guts to call me after taking my # or simply doesn’t have the time to pick up the phone and call or meet up in person, then so be it.
Having said all that, I do think that e-communicating is great for accentuating (supplementing or whatever the right word would be) an in-progress relationship that already has some substance to it.
Well, that is my 10 cents on the topic, and the reason I decided to write this post today was this article “From Texts to Sex” in the Red Eye Chicago. Two fellow South Asians were quoted in the post (both with opposing views) and one of them is my dear friend and dating coach, Bela Gandhi, whose viewpoint I strongly agree with.
The post is a quick read with some really interesting stats including one about how e-communicating gets people to hit the sheets faster than they normally would have without it, and I’d love to hear what you think about the topic!
Thanks for reading and write soon,
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
p.s. – I’m sure there are a million articles on the topic but the “Queer Guy who tells it Straight” popped up (& he’s from Chicago), so I’m going with his 2 posts on the topic. The one about “SEXTING” and I-phone users is pretty funny. “Text Dating is for Lazy People” and “Let’s talk about Sex…Texting!!!“