So, as most of you know, my 40th birthday just passed, and I am so appreciative that all of my friends and my family honored my request for no gifts this year (it was my first year ever not getting a dang PHYSICAL THING, and I could not have been more thrilled!). For those of you who don’t know me personally, I have spent a whole lot of time over the past 2 years doing a massive purge of STUFF from my life after becoming hyperaware that I had this super odd (kinda disturbing #totesgotitfrommymom) attachment to THINGS which was born from a deeply ingrained scarcity mindset; this exercise of purging has been powerful for me because it helped me practice “letting go” in so many ways and, most of all, channeling abundance; for example, in my previous extra-WTF life, I was so extra and bought FOUR of the same-scented oil from Utah (the only difference was the “stone” rollerball), and they were each $50. I just barely used ONE over the course of a year, so I made it a point to – fell swoop and with little thought – give away 2 of them to friends who were embarking on big life changes.
I very much so now know that gifts are not my love language and the giving and getting of stuff – while I still love to give gifts to my nephew and niece – is simply not my jam, which is why I’ve become a big fan of the “No gifts please” that most of us brownies (what I call South Asians) have seen for years on wedding invitations. At first, I thought it was kind of off-putting like, “ew, these people are asking for money,” but – in reflection – it made a lot of sense to me. Sure, there are bridal registries and all kinds of things that one can register for (if you’re into that kinda thing), but, real talk, does a new couple really need the stress of figuring out a shit ton of THINGS they think they might need (for example, all new china that they likely won’t use ever), OR could they (if one feels so inclined and without, in earnest, having any expectation) use some funds as they start their new lives together? I know some people put a certain price tag to this “exchange” like – if their function is at this hall/hotel/venue – then they must have spent $75-150/person so a person should gift the equivalent &, to that, I say “hell no.”
I believe that people who are inviting someone to their event – that they are having OF THEIR OWN CHOOSING wishing to celebrate THEMSELVES – should not expect anything “in return” as if an invitation is some kind of odd transaction where one is “paying” to attend the person’s event. Nope, not into that. Accordingly, I believe someone can say something like “no gifts please” hoping that – if someone feels so inclined – they may gift $ versus stuff, but one should not have any expectation around it or judge someone if they don’t do it. Truly, if I ever invite you to anything of mine – no matter what is written on the gdamn card – please feel free to show up “empty-handed,” because, if I invited you to something, it is because I want you there in earnest and I promise there will be no negative marks on our “friendship *scorecard*” (a thing I feel many people have) if you don’t pay for your *fair share* to attend MY EVENT THAT I CHOSE TO HAVE. *eye rolllllll*
On that note, on my 40th, I’m cordially inviting you to my “birthday bash-bridal shower-bachelorette party-wedding-baby shower-kids’ birthday” that I, quite possibly, am not ever going to have (that is not some statement of depression but more me not wanting to have any of those things if I can spare myself as – if “marriage” is in my future – I would love to elope one day, would rather die than have a bridal shower, feel bachelorette parties shouldn’t be $1000+ investments – nor should weddings, and baby showers where people open gifts and ish just weird me out).
I was recently informed of a scene from Sex In The City where Carrie is shamed for her shoe collection, and she goes on to say, ” If I don’t ever get married or have a baby—what?” she asked Charlotte over frozen yogurt. “Think about it: If you are single, after graduation, there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you…. I am talking about the single gal. Hallmark doesn’t make a ‘Congratulations you didn’t marry the wrong guy’ card. Where’s the flatware for going on vacation alone?” She then proceeds to “get married to herself”
Now, I’m not doing all of that – not in judgment – but I don’t understand the obsession with marriage at all, which is interesting considering I spent my whole life believing that taking part in the social construct of marriage was one that was required for me to have a “good/happy life.” What I am, however, doing is a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, DOING ME & LIVING MY BIG SCARY DREAMS” *party.* &, alas, anyone who “attends” will not be getting cake, spanakopita, paneer, or any other food sexiness. There will also be no open bar or “shots, shots, shots!” as the DJ drops a beat and we dance into the night. What you do get is honestly more of the same of what you have been already getting/what I try to put out into the world:
- Me living my most authentic, unapologetic life sharing my very real hard times along with my awesome ones.
- My reflections and insights on human nature, mistakes I made, things I wish to be better for young people (all people), and more.
- Tons of feel-good & inspo stories.
- Lots of LOLZ & JOY.
- Tons of real talk
- On that note, the continued emotional labor of talking about the things that most people don’t want to talk about (understandably, because the person who speaks their mind unapologetically and makes people aware of truths is always persecuted) – whether that is domestic violence, women’s issues, social issues, my struggles with body dysmorphia/weight obsession, issues with network marketing, what ails society, and more. I have been doing the aforementioned – at a great personal cost which I have accepted knowing that my sharing is important – for more than 7 years and it is truthfully exhausting. Yes, I know no one “makes me “do any of this and I choose it every day, but – kinda like you choose your wife/husband, kids, your life – this is what I’ve chosen for myself in (hopeful) service to others/the greater good and as something I wish I had “growing up.”
- Side note: f you are a new(er) friend, back in 2012, I became something I never expected to become (a domestic violence survivor) and – upon learning that my ex who had tried to destroy my life had done the same to 7 women before me – I spoke up about it pre-#metoo. Some shares born from that time include: Truth Alone Triumphs, Most of Us Are Joe Paterno, Why I Didn’t Report, Dear Movara Fitness Resort (this was something I wrote after being sexually harassed at a place I once worked)
- Me “going for it” with “it” being my big, “crazy,” scary #DesiEllen dreams. Since I was terminated from my network marketing role for speaking out about MLM, I have been recruited by over 20 companies – one of which even flew me out to their corporate office in Utah – and I have, in spite of knowing that joining any company could mean $4-6000 in my pocket with a quickness, saying “no” to every single opportunity, because I am trusting my gut that – as has happened in the past – these “opportunities” are really distractions to the big thing I believe I am meant to do, so I refuse to let my financial fears derail me as it has (resulting in tolerating and suffering so much that I cannot stand and do not agree with) in the past whether it was with pharm sales or direct sales.
- Of course, no one other than yours truly is responsible for making my “going for it” happen, so there is no expectation, pressure, obligation, or worries. However, if you are so inclined, I’m accepting “no gifts please” gifts (don’t want to call them “donations” because the energy around that word is all wonky and based in lack) that I will specifically use in India during my travels towards the costs associated to my speaking arrangements/service endeavors. Read: If you see me posting about paneer every third minute when I’m kicking it at my family’s homes, your gifts won’t be sponsoring all of that.
On that note, should anyone be so inclined – whether it is $5/10 or anything beyond – I’m including links below and would be forever grateful. That being said, if that is not something you can do or want do, totes cool and understandable, and perhaps you’ll consider the absolute free “gift” of liking my sharing page knowing that I am someone who, in earnest, supports others following their dreams and taking the path less traveled: https://www.facebook.com/SmitaShares/ and/or please let me know if there is anyone you may be able to connect me to in the Motherland who may be able to help me on my endeavor to have as many opportunities to speak to pre-marriage young people (kids, college kids), women of all ages, and, really, just any audiences ever as I think I have an interesting and compelling lens to offer on many topics.
- My Paypal link (paypal.me/smitamoon; pay as friends)
- My Venmo ID (@SmitaC; www.venmo.com/SmitaC).
- Or, if you’d prefer, you can send via Facebook to: https://www.facebook.com/iamsmitamoon
Huge thank you in advance to anyone who chooses to support me on this endeavor. On that note, that’s all from me for now as I prepare for my trip like WHOA and thanks always for reading.
Love & light,
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