2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: So much of the below pains me to read all of these years later – especially the parts where I shared so many convictions and advice about “bumping” people with poor character only to – 2 years later – experience a horror (becoming a domestic violence after a brief 3-month dating relationship) that would change the trajectory of my life. I also want to add the following (if you haven’t seen this disclaimer in other posts): At this juncture in my life (& I have no crystal ball to tell you about the future), I have no desire to be dating/in a relationship/with a life partner/married or have kids. For the first time (& after 20+ years of caring so much about this as the “end-all-be-all” life goal), I don’t care at all and am fully engaged in a relationship with myself. I love my own company, feel no lack, and – accordingly – feel complete and whole on my own; it is an absolutely revolutionary feeling and I wish I could have known it in my 20’s. More on that later…

I was recently talking to a girlfriend who told me a story about a guy that she had been dating for about a year.  While they were dating, I had heard from another friend who knew this guy well and said that he was super shady at least until very recently (multiple girlfriends, hook-ups, overall bad reputation and such).  I mulled over saying anything to my friend because she seemed really happy and he sounded like a great guy, but after asking some girlfriends what I should do, they said that I should definitely share the info, so I did. She appreciated knowing, did not get upset at me and things continued.

Well, for the next few months, my friend and I played phone tag and when we finally caught up, she told me a story that made me… aaahhh, soooo furious (one at this super-jerk guy and two, at my girlfriend for giving this guy a second chance)!  Well, long story short, after months of dating, some kind of situation with an ex (or someone else he was possibly seeing at the same time) happened, things ended, he relentlessly tried to get my friend back swearing that he was a changed man forever, she finally caved in, relationship part 2, major mistrust, then yet another still unclear something happened with the ex, and things were then over for good.  & as upset as she was, to this I said, “thank goodness!”

2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: Present day me does not relate to this post at all, and I so desperately wish I could go back in time and talk to this person – 30-year-old me – who felt this deep longing (perhaps even desperation) to be “settled” and had decided that certain checkmark criteria things that the masses do are the measure of a good life. At this juncture in my life (& I have no crystal ball to tell you about the future), I have no desire to be dating/in a relationship/with a life partner/married or have kids. For the first time (& after 20+ years of caring so much about this as the “end-all-be-all” life goal), I don’t care at all and am fully engaged in a relationship with myself. I love my own company, feel no lack, and – accordingly – feel complete and whole on my own; it is an absolutely revolutionary feeling and I wish I could have known it in my 20’s.

Although I will likely be perceived as “backward, not with the times, old school” or something along those lines, the other day I was having a conversation with my dad about the whole not-being-married sitchu & I told him (in all seriousness), that “it’s great to be in America… I appreciate all he did to get here, and I feel blessed for the life that I have. However, I often feel like I was meant to be raised in India not only because I am a fob (a big one!) at heart, but at the end of the day in spite of all the opportunities, success and lifestyle, my big goal in life has always been to have a happy family life – not become CEO of a company, a manager to many or anything particular when it comes to professional success.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that, and I do appreciate my job and career, but what I do for a living is far from my personal end-all-be-all (meaning that when I look back at my life one day, the last thing I will likely be reflecting back on is how many promotions I got or how many people worked under me).  & Although some would say otherwise and sure, scientifically I agree, but socially (& I believe for a million other reasons) to have kids in that “happy family,” I need to be married.