2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: I still hate “creepy guy stare” but me at (one day from turning) 39 looking back at my (just having turned) 30-year-old self, is all, “WHO DIS?” I, legit, do not relate to this person AT ALL. She makes me cringe, and I feel like she was some kind of alter ego, but I am grateful too for having evolved even though it took me living through some of my darkest times to do so. Note: Rather than deleting these posts in embarrassment, I have left them up as testimony to my own personal evolution. 

I had addressed this in one of the posts that I deleted and I know that I will get some hateration my way, but I usually call this “Creepy Indian Guy Stare.”  However, I know this is not a desi-specific thing… There’s my disclaimer and now I begin on “Creepy Staring…”  😀

2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: At this juncture in my life (& I have no crystal ball to tell you about the future), I have no desire to be dating/in a relationship/with a life partner/married or have kids. For the first time (& after 20+ years of caring so much about this as the “end-all-be-all” life goal), I don’t care at all and am fully engaged in a relationship with myself. I love my own company, feel no lack, and – accordingly – feel complete and whole on my own; it is an absolutely revolutionary feeling and I wish I could have known it in my 20’s. More on that later…

To Blog Or Not To Blog

That is the question…

Hi everyone, so it was brought to my attention that because I am far from anonymously blogging that blogging at all about this topic could prevent me from eventually meeting someone long-term.  After hearing this perspective and mulling it over, it makes sense for so many reasons.  First, I am overly exposed – someone who starts dating me and stumbles upon my blog immediately gets to know all my inner thoughts which he might have found endearing had he had the chance to slowly get to know them.

Second, and woah nelly… I never thought about the pressure for future-interested-in-me-guy as another close guy friend pointed out.  I am trying to imagine reversing the situation & putting myself in said guy’s shoes… what would I do & how would I feel if the guy I liked wrote a South Asian Dating blog…?  Naturally, I’d always be wondering “if this does/doesn’t work out, if I do something right/wrong, will I be posted about?” & if I really liked the guy I would feel extra pressure over making a wrong move, living up to their expectations, etc…  Oh, & worse of all, any guy interested in me could very well put on a facade that he shares the same values, opinions & interests as me whereas in reality he doesn’t & has just gotten content from my blog.

2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: So much of the below pains me to read all of these years later – especially the parts where I shared so many convictions and advice about “bumping” people with poor character only to – 2 years later – experience a horror (becoming a domestic violence after a brief 3-month dating relationship) that would change the trajectory of my life. I also want to add the following (if you haven’t seen this disclaimer in other posts): At this juncture in my life (& I have no crystal ball to tell you about the future), I have no desire to be dating/in a relationship/with a life partner/married or have kids. For the first time (& after 20+ years of caring so much about this as the “end-all-be-all” life goal), I don’t care at all and am fully engaged in a relationship with myself. I love my own company, feel no lack, and – accordingly – feel complete and whole on my own; it is an absolutely revolutionary feeling and I wish I could have known it in my 20’s. More on that later…

I was recently talking to a girlfriend who told me a story about a guy that she had been dating for about a year.  While they were dating, I had heard from another friend who knew this guy well and said that he was super shady at least until very recently (multiple girlfriends, hook-ups, overall bad reputation and such).  I mulled over saying anything to my friend because she seemed really happy and he sounded like a great guy, but after asking some girlfriends what I should do, they said that I should definitely share the info, so I did. She appreciated knowing, did not get upset at me and things continued.

Well, for the next few months, my friend and I played phone tag and when we finally caught up, she told me a story that made me… aaahhh, soooo furious (one at this super-jerk guy and two, at my girlfriend for giving this guy a second chance)!  Well, long story short, after months of dating, some kind of situation with an ex (or someone else he was possibly seeing at the same time) happened, things ended, he relentlessly tried to get my friend back swearing that he was a changed man forever, she finally caved in, relationship part 2, major mistrust, then yet another still unclear something happened with the ex, and things were then over for good.  & as upset as she was, to this I said, “thank goodness!”

2018 Relaunch 9-years-after-this-post edit: Present day me does not relate to this post at all, and I so desperately wish I could go back in time and talk to this person – 30-year-old me – who felt this deep longing (perhaps even desperation) to be “settled” and had decided that certain checkmark criteria things that the masses do are the measure of a good life. At this juncture in my life (& I have no crystal ball to tell you about the future), I have no desire to be dating/in a relationship/with a life partner/married or have kids. For the first time (& after 20+ years of caring so much about this as the “end-all-be-all” life goal), I don’t care at all and am fully engaged in a relationship with myself. I love my own company, feel no lack, and – accordingly – feel complete and whole on my own; it is an absolutely revolutionary feeling and I wish I could have known it in my 20’s.

Although I will likely be perceived as “backward, not with the times, old school” or something along those lines, the other day I was having a conversation with my dad about the whole not-being-married sitchu & I told him (in all seriousness), that “it’s great to be in America… I appreciate all he did to get here, and I feel blessed for the life that I have. However, I often feel like I was meant to be raised in India not only because I am a fob (a big one!) at heart, but at the end of the day in spite of all the opportunities, success and lifestyle, my big goal in life has always been to have a happy family life – not become CEO of a company, a manager to many or anything particular when it comes to professional success.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that, and I do appreciate my job and career, but what I do for a living is far from my personal end-all-be-all (meaning that when I look back at my life one day, the last thing I will likely be reflecting back on is how many promotions I got or how many people worked under me).  & Although some would say otherwise and sure, scientifically I agree, but socially (& I believe for a million other reasons) to have kids in that “happy family,” I need to be married.