As I mentioned in my “#DearDesis – The Beginning” post back in January, I am next leveling my sharing of all things related to our (South Asian) community and the impact they have on (at one time, or, at present) “kids” who then grow up to be adults who so deeply struggle to be able to move beyond truly dysfunctional (#notall for those who need it ) parental/community/cultural programming. Please revert to the above post for #allthedisclaimers, but – at this point – I genuinely do not care who I offend. Honestly, it’s kinda the point, because our collectively being “offended” over the profoundly problematic aspects of our culture is absolutely necessary for us to actually move towards things changing because existing as we have for countless generations is simply not working.

How do I know that it is not working? Well, first, because of my own life which I, often in my sharing, offer up as a precautionary tale to spare others from what I experienced (like this sitchu of being held hostage & suffocated after a brief 3-month dating relationship with no love on the table with a sociopath South Asian attorney), and also because – as mentioned in the blog post above – I am in countless South Asian groups where it is so painfully obvious (in particular, by how many people are forced to post anonymously about their unfathomable sufferings) how pervasive some truly dysfunctional, toxic, and harmful “themes” of our culture are.

Today’s theme? DUAL LIVES. MASTER ACTORS. Of all the awful things desi parents/families (as I realize that many are raised in joint families) program their kids with, there is nothing more universal – and, accordingly, harmful – than “log kya sochenge/kahenge” (what will other people think/say). From a very young age, I remember this phrase being used incessantly – in particular, by my mom who (& this will bear repeating for those who will, in *fake outrage*, interpret this as a “betrayal” for me defying the code of silence to “protect the family image”) did the best she could at the level of consciousness she was at (& also based on the programming she received) – to *motivate/inspire* “good/better behavior.” In hindsight, it was a weapon of mass destruction whose unintentional target was my sense of self (self-esteem + self-worth) and my ability to make any kind of decisions outside of the context of how I was perceived by others.

& I am not the only one. I feel comfortable saying that a great majority of desis were raised by this completely toxic “foundational principle.” Hence, we are nearly all living dual lives in which we are master actors who care more about how we appear than what we are. To extrapolate (for the duffers out there), we live ONE life behind closed doors at home (our actual, real lives) and then we live a different (to varying degrees) life outside of our homes for public consumption. There are, literally, kids being controlled, abused, beaten, threatened to be killed (for things like choosing their own life partner), disowned, and experiencing infinite other atrocities inside their homes who then put on their (master actor) “face” for the world. Note (to whichever dear Auntie who is so miserable in her own pathetic life that she will feel so compelled to be fake-*appalled* by my sharing): my personal home experience was not as described right above; however, it was one of deep discord amongst my parents and lots of dysfunction which I was actively told (again & again) to “never tell anyone.” Not my then best friend (who I finally told at 27, but had known since I was 4), and I was even coached to never share about “our family things” with my “future life partner” because they would inevitably be used against me.

So what did I do? I (again, none of this was remotely conscious) became an Oscar-worthy actress from a very young age (I’m talking as soon as I had access to language). My parents could massively get into it one moment, and, the very next, we would all be welcoming people into our home for a “function” (or attending one) with big smiles on our faces. Very believable smiles because – as we should all know from life experience – a smile is truly the easiest thing to fake. Another note: if I look back at my childhood and teen to college years, I would have described them as “happy,” because 1) I was too unevolved/basic/trifling to know the difference (I can blame my upbringing for that, &, sure it contributed, but I prefer to own it as my own in order to make forward movement), & 2) I was able to disassociate from my home life (again, at a very young age), compartmentalize and fully make my life all about school, my personal interests, and friends. The interesting thing about that stage of life is that it is so task-oriented – especially as a South Asian who is made to believe that life is nothing more about pleasing one’s parents via performing (again, as a master actor) and delivering “outcomes/results” – and that, too, in such a linear manner that it is very easy to distract oneself with all there is to “get done” (good grades, entry into a good college, good degree, good job, good life partner and, overall – as almost universally used as a measure of – a “good life”). Of course, all of these things are valued only as much as they are worthy of being bragged about to our parents’ peers, because, shoot, if not, did said-perceived-by-the-individual-“kid” accomplishment really even happen?

For those who knew me, I was “killing it” by every one of the above measures straight through the end of college. I never went through any awkward phases growing up, had tons of (mixed-ethnicity) friends, was broadly well-liked and would (as absurd as this word is) be considered “popular” in every phase of school life, was very socially confident/had no problem asserting myself  (I ran for President of a new club as a sophomore against a senior in high school, and won… I ran for President of my class at Boston University and won… I was Secretary & Vice President of India Club in college), was super cultural (I danced – including performing at plentiful family functions – from 6 years old through college where nearly every one of my group’s dances would be the grand finale of each and every India Club show), and I got excellent grades/”marks.” In fact (dear Auntie/Uncle who thinks I’m a duffer or “not successful” because my life does not look like your child’s) got into the #2 physical therapy program in the country (back then), was Dean’s List, and Honor’s Society. Oh, and I finished undergrad in 3.5 years.

All of this (^^^) – being so masterful in disassociation and excelling in every performative and pleasing-to-my-parents/desi-society measure – was the primary reason why no one (least of all me) would have believed that I had any “issues.” However, I assure you that if someone – particularly during my college years and the years that immediately followed – looked at my dating choices or my drinking habits, they would have known! (I guarantee “friends” from back then who never thought to express care or concern back then are reminiscing how they used to judge me back then), & haan ji/yes, dear Auntie and Uncle, nearly ALL of your kids dated/drank or ARE dating/underage drinking, but we just all lied/lie to you about it because your parenting created ZERO context to be able to tell you ANYTHING because we know our sharing anything will be used against us; again, more weapons of mass destruction…

Sorry, I digressed and now back to my friends… Oh boy, how I LIVED FOR my friends (even those who may no longer be in my life). I was always doing anything I could to be at their homes after school versus mine, and it always bothered my mom deeply that I “put them first” or “cared more about them.” At that time, I honestly did. They were my escape – particularly, in those homes that seemed so different than my own like my one friend whose home I went to nearly every Wednesday “to study” (like stated right above, master actors are also master liars, but that’s a future post) but, in actuality, I just went there to watch 90210 and Melrose Place (she was mind-blowingly ALLOWED), eat dinner, laugh with Uncle and Auntie, and feel at peace in my (in my mind) alternate reality family. My whole life was about escape, but I had no actual awareness of this because no parent of mine (again, this is not me “blaming them”) was 1) thinking about the impact their issues were having on me (my brother was born of a completely different – like not typical for any child or human – “zen” nature where nothing seemed to impact him, but that wasn’t the case with me where I so desperately just wanted everyone to get along and be happy) & 2) remotely aware of any other aspect of my life (revert back to the completely garbage humans I was dating and the excessive amounts I was drinking because all they saw was their “good beti” with a 3.8 GPA and they were incapable of even considering that there could be so much more than what they saw. Read as: WHAT I PRESENTED as the master actor that I was.

So… that is what it was (for me) and what I know it is for countless others (particularly, countless generations younger than me who are living through all kinds of things and feel their only outlet is either silence or anonymous posts via groups on Facebook). Note: I am NOT knocking the value of the anonymous posts; I know they are, literally, saving people’s lives, but it will forever break my damn heart that desi community is so deeply broken that – even in the midst of great suffering – the thing one feels they need to worry about the most is “what other people will think/might say.” & I honestly would have done anything to have had these kinds of spaces when I was growing up (which I waited to mention until now was in the 80s as I’m 40 years old), but I am so glad that younger generations have them now.

On that note, I am someone who so deeply believes that – for those of us feel comfortable in sharing (hiya!) – it is our responsibility to share our experiences to “pay it forward” in an effort to spare others from having to experience the same. Accordingly, you will be seeing lots more #DearDesis-themed blog posts, and you can follow me at my public Smita Shares page and/or my personal page (I’m #sorrynotsorry, but I cannot accept friend requests without context for safety reasons from the above DV situation).

Anywho… as always, I am so grateful to anyone who takes the time to read/watch what I have to say, and, although I am signing off for now, if you are interested in other posts by me, please feel free to check out posts from 11 years ago about South Asian Dating or some more light/”fun” (maybe trifling?) stuff like my favorite things (#zencrack – which keeps me sane during these especially cray times, magnetic eyelashes, heated hair cap, standing desk, etc)

Love and light,

So, as most of you know, my 40th birthday just passed, and I am so appreciative that all of my friends and my family honored my request for no gifts this year (it was my first year ever not getting a dang PHYSICAL THING, and I could not have been more thrilled!). For those of you who don’t know me personally, I have spent a whole lot of time over the past 2 years doing a massive purge of STUFF from my life after becoming hyperaware that I had this super odd (kinda disturbing #totesgotitfrommymom) attachment to THINGS which was born from a deeply ingrained scarcity mindset; this exercise of purging has been powerful for me because it helped me practice “letting go” in so many ways and, most of all, channeling abundance; for example, in my previous extra-WTF life, I was so extra and bought FOUR of the same-scented oil from Utah (the only difference was the “stone” rollerball), and they were each $50. I just barely used ONE over the course of a year, so I made it a point to – fell swoop and with little thought – give away 2 of them to friends who were embarking on big life changes.

I very much so now know that gifts are not my love language and the giving and getting of stuff – while I still love to give gifts to my nephew and niece – is simply not my jam, which is why I’ve become a big fan of the “No gifts please” that most of us brownies (what I call South Asians) have seen for years on wedding invitations. At first, I thought it was kind of off-putting like, “ew, these people are asking for money,” but – in reflection – it made a lot of sense to me. Sure, there are bridal registries and all kinds of things that one can register for (if you’re into that kinda thing), but, real talk, does a new couple really need the stress of figuring out a shit ton of THINGS they think they might need (for example, all new china that they likely won’t use ever), OR could they (if one feels so inclined and without, in earnest, having any expectation) use some funds as they start their new lives together? I know some people put a certain price tag to this “exchange” like – if their function is at this hall/hotel/venue – then they must have spent $75-150/person so a person should gift the equivalent &, to that, I say “hell no.”

I believe that people who are inviting someone to their event – that they are having OF THEIR OWN CHOOSING wishing to celebrate THEMSELVES – should not expect anything “in return” as if an invitation is some kind of odd transaction where one is “paying” to attend the person’s event. Nope, not into that. Accordingly, I believe someone can say something like “no gifts please” hoping that – if someone feels so inclined – they may gift $ versus stuff, but one should not have any expectation around it or judge someone if they don’t do it. Truly, if I ever invite you to anything of mine – no matter what is written on the gdamn card – please feel free to show up “empty-handed,” because, if I invited you to something, it is because I want you there in earnest and I promise there will be no negative marks on our “friendship *scorecard*” (a thing I feel many people have) if you don’t pay for your *fair share* to attend MY EVENT THAT I CHOSE TO HAVE. *eye rolllllll*

On that note, on my 40th, I’m cordially inviting you to my “birthday bash-bridal shower-bachelorette party-wedding-baby shower-kids’ birthday” that I, quite possibly, am not ever going to have (that is not some statement of depression but more me not wanting to have any of those things if I can spare myself as – if “marriage” is in my future – I would love to elope one day, would rather die than have a bridal shower, feel bachelorette parties shouldn’t be $1000+ investments – nor should weddings, and baby showers where people open gifts and ish just weird me out).

I was recently informed of a scene from Sex In The City where Carrie is shamed for her shoe collection, and she goes on to say, ” If I don’t ever get married or have a baby—what?” she asked Charlotte over frozen yogurt. “Think about it: If you are single, after graduation, there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you…. I am talking about the single gal. Hallmark doesn’t make a ‘Congratulations you didn’t marry the wrong guy’ card. Where’s the flatware for going on vacation alone?” She then proceeds to “get married to herself”

Now, I’m not doing all of that – not in judgment – but I don’t understand the obsession with marriage at all, which is interesting considering I spent my whole life believing that taking part in the social construct of marriage was one that was required for me to have a “good/happy life.” What I am, however, doing is a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, DOING ME & LIVING MY BIG SCARY DREAMS” *party.* &, alas, anyone who “attends” will not be getting cake, spanakopita, paneer, or any other food sexiness. There will also be no open bar or “shots, shots, shots!” as the DJ drops a beat and we dance into the night. What you do get is honestly more of the same of what you have been already getting/what I try to put out into the world:

• Me living my most authentic, unapologetic life sharing my very real hard times along with my awesome ones.
• My reflections and insights on human nature, mistakes I made, things I wish to be better for young people (all people), and more.
• Tons of feel-good & inspo stories.
• Lots of LOLZ & JOY.
• Tons of real talk
• On that note, the continued emotional labor of talking about the things that most people don’t want to talk about (understandably, because the person who speaks their mind unapologetically and makes people aware of truths is always persecuted) – whether that is domestic violence, women’s issues, social issues, my struggles with body dysmorphia/weight obsession, issues with network marketing, what ails society, and more. I have been doing the aforementioned – at a great personal cost which I have accepted knowing that my sharing is important – for more than 7 years and it is truthfully exhausting. Yes, I know no one “makes me “do any of this and I choose it every day, but – kinda like you choose your wife/husband, kids, your life – this is what I’ve chosen for myself in (hopeful) service to others/the greater good and as something I wish I had “growing up.”
  • Side note: f you are a new(er) friend, back in 2012, I became something I never expected to become (a domestic violence survivor) and – upon learning that my ex who had tried to destroy my life had done the same to 7 women before me – I spoke up about it pre-#metoo. Some shares born from that time include: Truth Alone Triumphs, Most of Us Are Joe Paterno, Why I Didn’t Report, Dear Movara Fitness Resort (this was something I wrote after being sexually harassed at a place I once worked)
• Me “going for it” with “it” being my big, “crazy,” scary #DesiEllen dreams. Since I was terminated from my network marketing role for speaking out about MLM, I have been recruited by over 20 companies – one of which even flew me out to their corporate office in Utah – and I have, in spite of knowing that joining any company could mean $4-6000 in my pocket with a quickness, saying “no” to every single opportunity, because I am trusting my gut that – as has happened in the past – these “opportunities” are really distractions to the big thing I believe I am meant to do, so I refuse to let my financial fears derail me as it has (resulting in tolerating and suffering so much that I cannot stand and do not agree with) in the past whether it was with pharm sales or direct sales.
  • Of course, no one other than yours truly is responsible for making my “going for it” happen, so there is no expectation, pressure, obligation, or worries. However, if you are so inclined, I’m accepting “no gifts please” gifts (don’t want to call them “donations” because the energy around that word is all wonky and based in lack) that I will specifically use in India during my travels towards the costs associated to my speaking arrangements/service endeavors. Read: If you see me posting about paneer every third minute when I’m kicking it at my family’s homes, your gifts won’t be sponsoring all of that.

On that note, should anyone be so inclined – whether it is $5/10 or anything beyond – I’m including links below and would be forever grateful. That being said, if that is not something you can do or want do, totes cool and understandable, and perhaps you’ll consider the absolute free “gift” of liking my sharing page knowing that I am someone who, in earnest, supports others following their dreams and taking the path less traveled: https://www.facebook.com/SmitaShares/ and/or please let me know if there is anyone you may be able to connect me to in the Motherland who may be able to help me on my endeavor to have as many opportunities to speak to pre-marriage young people (kids, college kids), women of all ages, and, really, just any audiences ever as I think I have an interesting and compelling lens to offer on many topics.

• My Paypal link (paypal.me/smitamoon; pay as friends)
• My Venmo ID (@SmitaC; www.venmo.com/SmitaC).
• Or, if you’d prefer, you can send via Facebook to: https://www.facebook.com/iamsmitamoon

Huge thank you in advance to anyone who chooses to support me on this endeavor. On that note, that’s all from me for now as I prepare for my trip like WHOA and thanks always for reading.

Love & light,

,

Hey frands! Many of you saw my recent live video experiment (pic above!) with magnetic eyelashes on my personal Facebook page, and – even though the lashes themselves that I got from Amazon were all the EXTRA – we were all generally a fan of how they turned out and looked (I mean, eyelashes to your eyebrows can certainly be a look for a glam night or photo sesh).

Before getting into all of ^^, I wanted to backtrack and explain how the above even came about. So, basically, what had happened was… At the end of last year, I decided to buy magnetic eyelashes (the original iteration) from Walmart for, like, $12. I did a live video on those as well, and OH BOY… IT WAS REALLY, REALLY BAD. 1) It was so hard to get the 2 sets of lashes with their magnets to line up and get your actual lashes to click BETWEEN THEM. 2) In spite of the difficulty, I thought I had kinda sorta nailed it, but – in actuality (as my friends LOL’d every time I looked down) – I looked like THIS (& had no idea until I watched later!):

I then started seeing ads for “LIQUID EYELINER magnetic eyelashes” on Facebook and – as creepily happens – magnetic eyelashes became my entire feed! After saving 22 different ads and creating an EXCEL SPREADSHEET (I’m nothing if not extra and efficient), I determined what deals were the most bang for your buck; those are on the bottom with links. However, if someone just wants to go with Amazon and the items below with their “FREE RETURNS” options (I cannot speak to the return policies of any of the other non-Amazon companies), then those links are first. The main difference is that the non-Amazon options seem to offer more variety presently (I will continue to revise this if I see better deals on Amazon or otherwise).

Note: Moxie Lash is selling single pairs for $80! Y’all, when it comes to ANYTHING YOU BUY ON THE INTERWEBS (even stuff being plugged by your most trusted friends including yours truly), do your due diligence, and RESEARCH. Go to Google, Amazon, survey your friends, or whatever.

POST-ORIGINAL SHARE EDIT: The below are absolutely options to still explore but I now, exclusively, use this brand: Lash Liner. I simply found the quality, the anchors, and the ability to reuse the lashes up to 30 times to be ideal. Pics of me below with Seattle (upper left), Portland (every day look, top right) and Chicago (the wow factor, bottom two).

K, so here we go on Amazon offers! (Be sure to read the instructions both in the packaging and reviews for anything you purchase to get the best experience. Also, def let the liner dry and apply it thick enough or twice if necessary. The liquid eyeliner can be removed with any regular makeup remover, and it seems that most lashes can be trimmed.

Note: I have NOT tried all of the above except the very first one. I had also included 2 links previously to Amazon items that I have since tried and REALLY did not like, so I returned them and deleted them from the blog.

The One That I Used (so EXTRA & long but fun for something glam!): One set, $29.99, great reviews, excellent quality, free returns: https://amzn.to/31mFmhK

Three sets (1 pair 5 magnets; 2 same pairs of 3 magnets intended for outer lash; allegedly waterproof/smudgeproof, #freereturns, $29.99): https://amzn.to/2yCln24

Three full sets (all different density/volume/length, allegedly waterproof & smudge-resistant; $25.99; don’t see this as being free returns): https://amzn.to/2YEcsrx

If you DO end up trying any of the above, I would love to hear from you and know what you think!

Enjoy and, until next time,

* Disclosure: Smita Shares is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon properties.  Amazon, in turn, offers a small commission on products sold through their affiliate links. Each of your purchases via our Amazon affiliation links supports my being able to share the things I love (& genuinely personally use and recommend to friends and family) at no additional cost to you. 

What about sponsored content? 
I do not write sponsored posts.  I want to bring you real, unbiased information.  However, if a post is sponsored by a company, I will disclose this clearly in the beginning of the post. 

As for my social media pages where I use Amazon & other affiliate links for product recommendations, I will include a link to this post, or put “(affiliate link)”, or #ad in the post. 

As many of you know, I love movies, and I am a huge Bollywood movie “buff” (if you will). Yes, I was born and raised in “Amreeka,” but I’m as desi as one can get for not having born in the Motherland. Now that I’ve unnecessarily explained myself, here’s a disclaimer: THIS. IS. MY. OPINION. When someone states their opinion – even if they state it as fact (as I am about to and always will) – that doesn’t mean it is fact kinda like how your opinions aren’t facts either (I know, crazy). They are this beautiful subjective thing, so no one needs to feel any kind of personal affront knowing that I didn’t like something that you may have liked.

Also, my feelings about the movie do not negate how much I love Shahid Kapoor as an actor and that he did a fantastic portraying what he was asked to in his role as the lead in “Kabir Singh.” 

Now that we got that out of the way *eye roll*…

First off, I know that many people feel that movies have a social and ethical responsibility towards humanity since – particularly in South Asian culture – they are so influential to the social condition (albeit disturbing, nothing is more influential to culture and society than Bollywood films and celebrities as the latter are considered demigods of sorts), and I believe this to a degree but with a big fat caveat. I, personally, do not want movies to only reflect a desired utopia that doesn’t exist; instead, I want them to reflect what actually ails society (whether that be rape, domestic violence, addiction, corruption, etc.) – aka REAL LIFE – and I say this as a domestic violence survivor.

I also say the above thinking of Bollywood movies like Lajja, Prem Granth, or Vaastav. Lajja portrayed the suffering of 5 women so beautifully and painfully and – even though one character (Jackie Shroff’s) caused his wife incredible suffering – he evolved as a person and we were able to accept her forgiveness… Prem Granth was the story of survival after rape (& redemption and justice in the wake of it)… Vaastav depicts a troubled man who gets caught up in the world of gangs and meets his demise. &, yes, there are many movies where I can find the (technically) “bad guy(s)” to be endearing like Sarkar or the Don films, but – of all the thousands of Bollywood movies I must have seen over my lifetime – no story has ever pained me more, because Kabir Singh was simply an AWFUL HUMAN BEING (with NO redeeming qualities), and he was portrayed as a hero who gets his happy ending in spite of how much suffering and harm he caused others.

The movie is beyoooond problematic in its portrayal of misogyny and toxic masculinity , because… 1) It makes no attempt – not in the fine print disclaimers at the beginning or in any kind of feigned attempt during the film or after – to suggest that the character has any awareness that he has MAJOR ISSUES or that anyone else in his life thinks he isn’t a GOOD PERSON (having a drinking problem is one thing, but being a psychopathic asshole is another). 2) Kabir Singh is the epitome of a narcissistic sociopath who is a classic ABUSER. He abuses his standing in the school, and he abuses his family, friends, and the woman he purportedly loves. 

3) Accordingly, there was absolutely nothing endearing or charming about their “love story” (quotes because it wasn’t that); he EFFING SAW HER ONCE AND CLAIMED HER AS HIS LIKE A GODDAMN OBJECT.  So much so that he went in front of a class to announce that she was “his” (“woh meri bandi hain”) and threatened that there would be consequences for anyone who doesn’t abide by his proclamation. He knew nothing about her nature, character, values, beliefs, quirks, interests, or ANYTHING. HE JUST SAW HER ONE F*CKING TIME.

In 2019, I really would have hoped that we would have evolved past this storyline that was the entire premise of all Bollywood movies in the 80s and 90s (perhaps even well before); basically, the notion was that a “boy” would spot a “girl” and – upon first glance – fall immediately “in love” (like “I’m going to marry her style”) and then he would harass/stalk her until she magically fell in love with him. INDIAN DUDES PRESENT DAY still BELIEVE THIS SHIT. They believe that they can fall in love at first glance and that the person they now desire is “theirs,” and some even go as far as to throw acid in girls’ faces when rejected because they feel this deep entitlement to the object of their desire. That garbage is not romantic; it is harmful and dysfunctional and perpetuates all kinds of fucked up shit

4) Preeti is a painfully naive girl who has no life experience, has never been liked by a dude, and has likely never liked a dude either; however, she reflects a very typical desi girl beginning college: innocent and unknowing; I have no issues with her until later.  Because of the school hierarchy in which Kabir Singh is some kind of demigod who is both admired and feared by all, he can walk in and out of classes like he owns the school and direct students at his whim, so he basically makes Preeti fall in love with him by commanding her to leave her college classes. & it is simply being wanted and “chosen” by Kabir that makes Preeti fall in love; again, there is nothing else revealed about him as a person except that he is obsessive, possessive, and controlling. (NEWS FLASH LADIES WHO THINK OTHERWISE: THAT IS NOT LOVE).

5) I’m not sure if we are supposed to find all of his “special attention,” focus, and obsession to be romantic, but it isn’t. It is disturbing and appalling, and what is even more disturbing and appalling is that all of Kabir’s friends are so oddly devoted to and in love with him that none of them ever thinks, “Oh, hell no. This person is so effed and not a good person, so I’m out.” Instead, when he is about to beat a person (perhaps to their death), his friends help out. 6) Ragging (hazing) culture is portrayed as some kind of normal, and we are supposed to find it “sweet” that Kabir saves Preeti from being hazed as a “fresher” (freshman). Ermm… no, it would have been sweet if Kabir had some kind of moral compass, understood that hazing was a shit (& illegal thing to do), and tried to spare everyone, but Kabir Singh is a garbage human with no redeeming qualities.

7) Kabir Singh does not evolve at all as a person, because – even though he admits to DOING ALL OF HIS SURGERIES DRUNK & ON COCAINE and gets granted a free vacay by daddy – he is fundamentally the same exact person, and we see that when he sees Preeti sitting in the park. Here is the opportunity for the filmmakers to show Kabir reflect on all of his actions and wrongdoing and have some moment of reckoning and deep regret and remorse, but NOPE. He sits with his homies and once again proclaims that (now married and pregnant Preeti) is still his.

8)  Dumb AF Preeti – in spite of ALL THE TORTURE and hell she was put through – takes him back with zero real consequences. Her biggest question to Kabir was “how did he live without her for so long?” (****aweeeee, NO. NO. NO.**** she left her husband after 3 days and proclaims that she “never let him touch her” which means the baby is Kabir’s), and I think we’re supposed to find this so romantic, but they are both just crazy a$$ ego-maniacs who could have both put each other out of their respective misery (& US out of OURS) SO. MUCH. SOONER. 8) Oh, & I forgot to mention that Kabir HITS Preeti, chases down his maid to beat her, and almost rapes a woman (who he pulled out a knife on when she wouldn’t take off her clothes and satisfy him).

All that being said, the movie, itself, just effing SUCKED. I have watched many movies that have disturbed me – to my core – about human behavior or that did not have an ending that I wanted (Like “Water”), but there was some kind of character development, story, and plot. Even if there have been problematic characters like Sanjay Dutt in Khalnayak or Vaastav or Amitabh Bachan in the Sarkar films (I mean, even if he does good, he’s still a criminal), the film makes us fall in love with these characters and reconcile their problems while being able to understand why they are adored and loved.

NONE of these things were present in “Kabir Singh.” Legit, beyond the first hour of him “procuring Preeti as his,” (again, NOTHING romantic, endearing, or charming about how that all happened), the rest of the film is just 2 hours of him drinking himself into multiple comas over his “loss” of Preeti (which he is the absolute cause of, because – for supposedly being as “smart” as he was – he was a big fat dumba$$ for thinking that the way you “get permission” to marry a girl is by being an arrogant AF asshole to her dad). I am not a callous person and get sentimental & emo rather easily, but I did not have a single feeling in that film (other than annoyance for my time being wasted), and I cannot tell you how many times I wanted him to fall off the balcony, get hit by a truck, or just not wake-up. There was also some weird obsession by the film’s creators with Kabir’s DICK. I kid you not… from the ice on DICK scene… to the URINATING ON SELF scene… to the random AF shaving of crotch while high AF and cutting himself scene, I kept thinking “WHYYYYY??? Are we supposed to find this hot or sexy or funny?” because it wasn’t. It was disturbing, vile, and torturous. Legit, I have never checked my phone more to check the time (the first time, I nearly died when realizing TWO WHOLE HOURS were left) wanting it to just be over. 

I’m certain that nothing I’m saying hasn’t already been said in the wake of this horrific film, but I hope that the creators of the film and actors are being socially responsible and post-film DISCLAIMERING THE F*CK out of the garbage they just put out there and that some sad people will inevitably think depicted something endearing, positive, or “cool” because of the stupid AF “happy ending” where the 2 randomly bump into one another, get married, everyone’s families are like “let’s just pretend none of  that happened,” and they live happily ever after. 

Anywho, that is all from me.  those of you who have seen it or those who have decided not to see it based on what they heard, I would love to hear your thoughts over on my #KabirSinghWasGarbage post on my Smita Shares page.

Thanks always for stopping by,

If you landed here from my plentiful “zencrack” posts, zencrack is what I call a wellness device that affects one’s deep subconscious (I describe it as equal parts meditation, therapy/coaching, and hypnosis) and that I have been using now for 4 years actually called Braintap. Before rushing to the corporate website – where no added savings/trials exist – I encourage you to read the below.

** NOTE: The Link to getting a 45-day trial ($45 value) of the all-inclusive Wellness Collection Bundle for $1 (offered by me exclusively & not available via the company’s site where you can only get a free trial to a few starter sessions) is at the bottom of this post (scroll until you see the banners).

If you are ready to “just start” with the headset – in my experience, there is absolutely a huge difference versus headphones – while I have included a link for you to get started right away at $100 savings through me versus buying retail (BrainTap offers worldwide shipping), let’s connect as there are other options (like Power User Access which gets you sessions far beyond the wellness bundle) and we can make sure you are starting with the best one that works for you/your family’s needs ** 

Important: YOU WANT TO DO ALL YOUR SIGNING UP FOR ANYTHING/EVERYTHING VIA THE LINKS BELOW & A WEB BROWSER. Not via the app which will put you into Android/Apple’s world where you will not be able to get the same level of support or the same offers. So, always, links –> browser –> sign up –> then login to your app with your credentials. 

On that note, folks may be landing here after having watched my video where I – in great detail – shared about my personal experience with BrainTap (BT). If so, awesome! Please scroll below for the “before and after” pictures of my “brain biometrics” of my very first BrainTap session.

However, I understand that the video was longer than most of my shares, so I will recap the key points of my experience, give you the highlights of the science behind BT, and let you know the ways in which I can personally support have the best experience possible should you be interested in trying BrainTap yourself.

First, as mentioned in my video, in order to spare you from places selling knock-off/counterfeit devices or old technology that is no longer covered by the company’s warranty, please only use the links that I have included that take you direct to BrainTap’s site (along with to the special offers I can offer you as an affiliate and are not available from the company).

That being said, there are many ways in which I can support you one-on-one (please feel free to message me on Facebook on my personal profile – I check my “Other” folder in case we aren’t connected – or, email to braintapwellness[at]gmail[dot]com):

1. Learn what you wish to experience/how you want to benefit (for me, it was brain clarity/focus/making forward movement on some goals)
2. Offer free trials
3. Provide workarounds to the cost. As I say in the video, of all the things I have done in the category of self-care and for my mental health – both pre-trauma (“the events of 2012 where a brief 3-month dating relationship ended in me being a domestic violence survivor) and post-trauma, this ONE THING has, for me personally, paid for itself a million times over. It’s VALUE – in the profound impact on my life – is priceless to me. I explain this in great detail in the video, but one session with a psychiatrist (out of pocket during my life’s darkest time) cost $400, and ONE session of BrainTap cost me $60 for 20 minutes, so you can do the math on how quickly you can get your money’s worth
4. Enable a bonus feature to those who get the headset.

I’m going to start with how I even learned about it. The short of it is as follows.  In 2012, I became something I never expected to become: a domestic violence survivor in a brief, 3-month dating relationship with no love on the table in which I was held hostage, suffocated with a body pillow, filed an order of protection, found out he had an existing OOP on record from another woman one year prior, spent 7 months & $30,000 in court with a 3″ binder only to lose my case with the same female judge in the first case, and lost nearly all of my friends and was persecuted by my community for speaking out about what happened to me).

To say my life was turned on its head would have been an egregious understatement. That trauma resulted in 4 years of extreme PTSD and depression, gaining 40 lbs, and closing my eyes while driving on empty highways as I was so disconnected from feeling human and indifferent towards my being here. As much as I would begin to feel better (or seem/appear better), any stressor could annihilate any semblance of a foundation from underneath me and my entire world would crumble and I would spiral into chaos and distress.

Accordingly, in July of 2018, after experiencing a year full of an incredibly toxic and dysfunctional work environment, I became so overwhelmed by all of it, that I (not feeling equipped to handle it and having a personality that was then based deeply in numbing or running away my feelings), unfortunately, felt I needed to escape, so I booked a 4-week stay at a fitness resort in Utah. I honestly felt like I had wasted a TON of money being there and had made a really poor life choice until I stumbled upon (what I call) #ZenCrack and also known as BrainTap.

Basically, I saw a brochure and it piqued my curiosity, so I signed up for a “session” not even really sure what it really was, but I am very self-aware and know that ALL of our issues in how we experience life – so my feeling so overwhelmed and stressed – are rooted in our minds; as I say often, I fully own that I am both the problem and the solution. At the start of the sessions, I was hooked up to a $4,000 machine that basically did a scan of my biometrics (images below), and then I began the 20-minute session. Immediately after, I felt so next level zen and as if I had experienced the most deeply relaxing massage of my life, and the scans correlated that feeling.

On that note, what is BrainTap?? “BrainTap is a powerfully effective tool designed to help people achieve balanced brainwave states that enhances the production of all the necessary neurotransmitters needed for optimal function of body and mind. Backed by neuroscience and research, BrainTapping is proven to help people who experience high stress, difficulty sleeping, low energy, and other lifestyle challenges.

This exclusive, copyrighted technology has been extensively tested to create the perfect symmetry of sound, music, and spoken word for the ultimate in brainwave training and relaxation, providing your mind and body with all the benefits of meditation without the disciplined effort.

Unlike meditation apps, BrainTap’s neuro-algorithm produces brainwave entrainment — the synchronization of brainwaves to a specialized sound — with no user effort. The result of which is full-spectrum brainwave activity. Using this matrix of neuro-activity, each of BrainTap’s sessions is encoded differently to ensure maximum neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections, resulting in a flexible and resilient brain.

BrainTapping guides your mind from an awake, reactionary mind into an intuitive, creative state, then to a place where super-learning and healing can occur, with the outcome being a heightened state of consciousness with crystal clear focus.

In addition to the sonic effects of BrainTapping, the BrainTap headset delivers gentle light pulses that travel through the retina and ear meridians, sending direct signals to the brain and guiding you into unparalleled brain states. (Note from me: I have tried doing the sessions both ways – with my own headphones and versus the headset – and there is an absolute difference).

Pulsing light, in the correct pattern and intensity, can produce levels of deep relaxation known to affect serotonin and endorphin levels, with an average increase of 21 percent in one study. These increases not only can calm and relax the mind but also produce powerful effects in maintaining a positive outlook and optimistic thinking.”

K, that’s really the most important stuff. You can check out everything else by visiting the links below (again, not available via the direct BrainTap site nor is any personal support/guidance), and be sure to get your free 15-day trial and turn it into a 45-DAY TRIAL for just $1!

Thanks for reading and here’s to hoping BrainTap becomes a VERB that helps powerfully change people’s lives!

Love & light always,

15-DAY FREE TRIAL with the option to get an EXTRA 30 DAYS FOR $1! (That is 45 days, which is a $45 value, for ONE DOLLAR). This is the ideal way to experience the audio sessions of the ENTIRE WELLNESS COLLECTION!  Reminder: Sign up using the below banner via a browser (versus the app) to get the below offers and – for those of you who get the headset – I can turn on a superuser feature for you if you have signed up this way. Note: If you do not cancel, you will get automatically enrolled in the Wellness Bundle for $30/month)

Headset with $100 savings, click here